Saturday, November 5, 2011

#2 Emotions/Feelings

I can almost remember the exact day I lost my self confidence and realized that maybe I wasn't as bullet-proof mentally as I thought I was. 

It was after my first marriage break down, I was in Brisbane,  I was jobless, I was penniless and most worrying was, for first time in my life, I was alone.

It concerned me that I was concerned at all.  I had been confident, I was happy go lucky, I thought I had life mastered, but had I really? What if it had all been a lie. What if I had simply been playing a game all this time, my whole life. 

It was all too hard to process so I pushed the negative thoughts away, they would be hidden but the thoughts never went far below the surface like they once had. They simmered for years, they were like a Rubiks Cube that couldn't be solved. 

It was only this year that I was diagnosed with Aspergers.  Things finally started to make sense, old wounds resurfaced and puzzles were solved. I was a free thinker in the world.  My thought processes was different to the followers that the rest of society were. It was the wake up call I needed but didn't want to deal with.

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